Fluff&Marbles

Cannot write today.  Too many distractions..a lack of distraction?  I have written something, yet am not pleased with it's content.  I cannot find the words.  Perhaps I'll come back tomorrow and present you with something worthwhile of a read.  

The long break has been quite nice, yet still I find myself struggling to find rest.

My brain feels like it is full of fluff.  The type of fluff you find in your stuffed teddy bear, but if you split my head open it (the fluff) would immediately become dense in the form of marbles and scatter across the floor in a jumble of a mess.  

Concussion...never pleasant...creating lasting effects..

....is it me?...is it stress?...is it a damaged brain?...a defense mechanism?..                                     Who Knows

Ignorance is Bliss

In a life where numerous moments of pain are seen one must learn to cherish the little moments.  Moments of bliss.  No matter what form they come in their presence must be captured and engraved into a memory that will never fade.  

Today I experienced a couple of these moments.  I was able to see how wonderful a capacity of love and grace one is capable of showing.  Even if one is not aware of this love they hold.  A caring is illuminated in the presence of friendship.  Ignorance it may be, to erase the infliction of pain one felt, and to surpass that with a kindness and acceptance.  I cherish your friendship. You are a moment I live for.  

Their World

Unattached I gaze at the buzz around me
So much pain and hurt I feel set apart
I am unable to relate with you and your world. Their world.
My world is racked, that is, it is racked from your view.
Welcome, welcome to my norm, join the population
I live nowhere, no location finds me peace
Pulling away, I create a gap.
As I go.  As I travel this road I am feeding.
Feeding this separation. I left my soul behind.
It roams in the space between me and you
My spirit knows I belong there-with you
Every time I leave. I feel it drift the further I go.
Each step is as if a drop, a drop of my soul flees
Flees to its being.  And I . I cry to realize. I ache to feel.
I am not my souls home.  I do not have a soul.
[It doesn't feel at home inside me.]
My soul has left me.
It went on a journey perhaps it will return someday
Ready for another round...I hope it returns.
I must win it back.
Provide it a safe haven.  A place to rest.
It fears I will shatter.  And it will be left prey.
Vulnerable in a world where it does not belong.

Alive

I'm living the moment grasping the now
Many of you don't understand how
How I do what I do and speak what I say
If you doubt my passion, question my faith
I'll turn and walk away
Because I live in the moment grasp the now

An instant is exactly how it sounds
A chance to seize a dream, to live
Don't pass this up it's all you'll ever get
Can't wait 'til tomorrow cause then it's too late
Live with urgency, but don't sacrifice peace
Finding a median striving to be (complete)

I'll live in the moment
Carefree in manner, yet committed to my future.
I crave to be carefree, but never play with careless
My future is everything, but it may never come
Commitment and loyalty two things I wish to reflect

I know I speak of seizing the now
An apology I owe to those I love
I'm sorry, I'll be the first to admit
I cannot show this emotion I feel
Just know it's there bottled inside
I would die for you. I Love You.