Train

Watching the sun as it sinks into the horizon
I see a train, it reminds me of home and all that I left behind
Troublesome times and the damage that one soul can contain
Amplified by the fact that hurt still remains. unable to shut out for eternity
Peace within, despite the pain that often complains causing strains
on life day to day.  worries now a distant away,
yet not lagging far behind
they'll stay
in mind.
Mindless hours contemplating the world and all the hating
Meeting and shaking, forcing and laughing
Blank faces lost within a crowd of hungry eyes
empty eyes searching for a place worth pausing
Lurking
freedom not in body but soul
I have been released.
Monstrous the fear that once had me caged.
Despair has fled my diminutive frame
i am released not by a distance, but by, a God, an entity far above anything else
a God who's grace and compassion has kept me precious, safe and whole.
I .am. today

unwritten

A really old writing.  I was exploring a different writing style.  It's a short in a poem format.  I wrote it in a very rough hashed out manner.

my crying turns into silence 
as i cut my wrists deep. too deep 
i dare not scream. then it would be over 
i see my life draining out of me 
what i don’t realize is that it’s already over 
i’ve been dead for months 
yet, those were the times i’d felt alive 
these are my last moments to feel and be alive 
i always imagined what it would really feel like to be dying. to be gone. 
here it was. the moment i’d dreaded and wished for all at once 
an experience i’d played out in my head so many times it’s.. 
terrifying. 

i can only faintly hear the screams. my name..yes..i’m being called. 
i know i’m dead for sure 
there is no question about that 
it’s not what i had imagined. i’m emptier then ever 
i’d take it back. i’d change. i wanted to live i just didn’t know that 
i’m being moved. grabbed. 
this isn’t right it’s..it’s supposed to be heaven or hell. one or the other. 
i never figured on a dispute you know bout where i’d go 
then I’m out. cold. 
it’s over. 

damn! wherever i am.. i don’t know. i..i’m not sure 
people. my family my best friend 
i can hear them. voices. my mom she’s praying 
she was the only one with what you’d call a genuine faith 
this is not what I’d imagined. being dead. 
something has got to be wrong 
HOSPITAL! that’s far out 
i never thought…no i’ve got to be wrong. 
i pull my eyes open for a moment 
they flutter shut 
yes. 

i wish i could take it back 
tell them i’m sorry. it wouldn’t be enough.. 
let them know I love them. forever. 
their faces. unwritten stories. one’s i helped write 
if put into words the saddest. most hurt. 
i can tell this time it’s for real it’s truly over 
for once, it’s not my emotions that are too weak 
it’s too much. something slips away. 
Me. 

.beautiful

Lightning brightens the sky

As if each flash strikes my heart

 Lightening strikes

Flash after flash lights up the sky

Each hit awakens a memory

It is nearly haunting

As if

Flashbacks like lightning in the sky

Not gone for long

Each one brings a thunderous amount of emotion

Mixed emotion

You.

Are a beautiful person.

Never been treated better.

I hate to see.

She tarnished something so special.

Dictating your life.

The pain that your have survived.

I can see it in you eyes.

Mistrust and hurt.

Using girls here and there.

However, I do not care.

In our short time

I will exemplify

That through all the shit

I will be by your side.

Our time played out

What is, cannot be undone

No regrets

Our time was beautiful.

Our time.  Short.

Our time.

Beautiful.