Blurred

Begin with good intentions

But in the end bring out misconceptions

Did I forget to mention

There seems to be some tension

All the failures escalate into a mass confliction

Blurred are all the tries and wants

Love recoils and surfaces nasty burns

Drive in.

Slam goes my heart to the accelerator

Ease the brake slow my fate.

Nightmares returning.

Tossing and turning

Terrifying reoccuring.  Reliving moments in my mind.  

Things I wished would resign to the back of my mind.  

Surfacing in my dreams.  Guns.  It is strange.  I am strong.  

Not for too long.

Stick through mistakes 

Prove that my race has something made to last in the everglades

Silence holds us, molds, and upholds us

I start out with such grand intentions

But in the end it just escalates such misconceptions

four years. 

best thing now gone.

maybe someday.

good intentions... misconceptions. 

blurred message.

Relatable

I feel like scars are lessons learned,
So, I won’t even fix any blemishes.
Not because I liked it, but because it hurt less
Wishing they could see in my eyes what I did not have the courage to verbalize,
They were so out of touch.
I assumed numbness meant healing.
I just had to be delivered even though the sight of me I hated,
took no pride in how I looked, because I figured no one wants someone who has been  molested,
that’s just nasty on top of complicated.
So I took the pain and stored it in the back of my mind
threw it in a safe and intentionally forget the combination
out of sight out of mind.
I could no longer put a band aid on a wound that needed surgery.
To every little girl and every little boy’s who’s felt defenseless
To every man and to every woman who feels like the enemy has beaten them senseless
To every swallowed cry in the middle of the night, so that no one would hear
Every face buried in pillows to hide the tears
To every voice that tried to speak out and really really tries but gets a knot in their throat every single time
For every throat that the enemy tries to choke
Christ is the breath of life let Him be your inhaler
Some of us will only hear it, unless it’s someone who went through
And in that case He allowed me to go through and stand as a testimony
And it was worth it
It was worth every ounce of physical spiritual mental pain
And I’d go through it again
If he would allow me to stand here before you again and encourage you
You to allow God to get glory
Because I like Paul reckon that the sufferings at this present time are just not worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed in us.

Favorites from this beautiful video
http://theresurgence.com/2011/10/08/can-anyone-see-that-im-hurting

fearless.

This is why:

i love you

said he while looking through me 

with that smile he wore 

all too often at these moments

take off my clothes

my body no longer my own.

use. abuse. reuse.

a tool dropped

own me

use. abuse. reuse.

take my hand lead me

my innocence gone

choice

does not exist

no.  

in action means nothing

use.

my body.

take not my soul.

for it is my own.

break my spirit.

i shall rebuild. 

brainwashed love.

indescribably wrong.

i will learn.

renew. 

teach me. 

reinvent love.

guide me show me.

use our pain

transform the scars 

with their colors let us paint our canvas

create a masterpiece

one of beauty 

i am new.