Went to the ER yesterday

I've attempted to write this post multiple times.  I want to write more frequently, yet I am a deeply emotionally driven person.  Hence I cannot force myself to make a post if i do not have anything that has inspired me.  Perhaps I have something to say today after multiple tries I came up with a thought.

As I was playing one of my favorite songs to play and sing on the piano Angel by Sarah McLachlan a thought struck.

It's easier to believe in this sweet madness,
Oh, this glorious sadness,
That brings me to my knees.

As i was singing these simple words I came to a realization, that is, I realized this once was true of me.  To be truly happy I believe one must experience devastation and sadness.  In reaching a sobering low point one is able to appreciate the littlest blessing in life.

I used to savor my depression and found a comfort in this solidarity that i had created for myself.  this however creates an extremely unhealthy mental and physical status.  I cannot say i will never fall back into this, yet i do know I have learned that depression is not the answer.  Sadness can teach the world a multitude of valuable lessons.  We must come out of this sadness and times of trouble with a strength that only can be found through fibers being stripped clean and slowly rebuilt.

I have experienced sweet madness in my life.  And i have reached moments where it has been easier to embrace this the madness and sadness became a glorious thing to me.  it was why i woke every morning it was my purpose.

Brings Me To My Knees

....this is the line that has found me where i am today.  I woman who is a strong individual-through Christ.  I struggle with bringing myself to my knees and this is when i fall back into finding home in my madness.

I struggle every single day.