Scratch

Hide & Seek

This specific day will forever be engraved in my memory it stands out more than others.  The reason for that I am not sure.  It was late afternoon time entering early evening.  I’m pretty sure it was a Wednesday because I’m quite sure I was relieved that another week had almost come to a close.  Half way through only downhill from here and then it would all begin again.  As evening crept in the normal routine of the day came.  My sister started getting ready to go to dance class at Nancy Whytes. This was a regular occurrence five times a week.  May mom was reviewing the list of errands she was going to do during Jordan’s dance class.  They would leave and I would go through my routine; enter in behind closed doors and he would get as much done as he could before my dad returned home, exhausted, from work.  My mom is ready standing by the door waiting for Jordan to grab her last things before they make the thirty minute drive into Bellingham.  Dance was a dream of my sisters as well as a tremendous commitment.  I absolutely hated ballet.  Now that I have looked back I did ballet perhaps only to get away for a few more hours.  A few less moments that are traumatized.  My mom is ready to go, so am I.  I hadn’t told her that though.  We’re about to go, he’s been watching me.  I know it’s coming I ask, “ mom, can I go with you?” “No,” she had said no.  I begged.  I cried inside.  How could she not see I was pleading.  What had I done? Was I that big of a hassle?  She denies my plea on last time.  We were standing in the entry,  I remember.  Out the door, I hear the latch click shut as I watch the figures walk away through the glass door.  No, it’s gunna start I can’t do this today. My hell begins. I need a rest. My emotions…I’m young.  I know it’s wrong. I know this isn’t normal.  He gives me the wink.  That dreadful terrible wink.  I hate it.  I will always hate it. My little brother is outside playing in the dirt with his toy trucks, He’s so innocent so unaware of the world outside of him.  I’ve never blamed him.  I will never blame him .  Entering his room, Seth’s room, it starts.  I shut down. I am ashamed, a few minutes, I knew I couldn’t do this today, too much.  “I have to go the bathroom” my lame excuse falters from my lips.  He pauses, he’s bought my lie, he lets me leave.  I walk out, he doesn’t follow.  Thank, God.  I go very quickly, the bathroom…. I clean up in every time.  The bathroom is right outside his room.  You could have a foot through each door.  I slip, quietly, outside.  He doesn’t know.  I hide. My brother is outside he raises his head smiles and returns to his trucks.  A couple minutes pass…I hear him coming.  I crouch behind a bush praying he won’t see me.  He steps onto the deck, and looks around “Zach, have you seen Randi?” Zach looks over at me.  I frantically shake my head and mouth “We’re playing Hide and Seek.”